Myths

Dear Liam,

I read something yesterday and it really made me wonder... Why don't people speak your name? Are they afraid of hurting me? Are they worried that hearing your name or speaking of you will make me cry? I've come far enough that I don't cry every time I think of you. That doesn't mean I miss you any less, and when I do cry, it's because all of that missing you has built up and overflowed. It's ok for me to cy, even in front of others because I miss you. Don't they realize that I'll miss you forever? That my life will never be the same? Don't they realize that I'll never "get over" losing my children? I guess they don't really think about it. I guess that's also why people tend to forget that I have three children. I know a lot of people don't even know that I was pregnant with your sister, but I've told lots of them, and they certainly know about you! So why do they still say I have only one child? My mother died earlier this year, is she not still my mother? Just because someone has died doesn't mean they never existed. I have been pregnant three times. I may have only given birth twice and I may only have one child to hold in my arms, but I have still carried three children. When I reach Heaven I have two beautiful children waiting for me, along with my mother. They tell me that losing you was God's will. I never believed that. I believe He knew and I believe that it was always destined to be a part of life's journey, but God would never want a parent to lose their child. Why would He, who knows that pain himself, wish it upon any of his followers? I believe you had a purpose and that your purpose has been fulfilled, and if anything was God's will, it was that you would never suffer. You never knew anything but love your entire earthly life and that is all you will ever know in Heaven as well. You will never know sorrow, you will never know pain, and you will never know anything but pure love and happiness. You may see my pain and sorrow, but I know that you do not feel it. You might miss me, but while my missing you is a deep sorrow for how long I must wait to hold you, yours is a excitement for when that time will come. I wish more people understood all of this. I'm so very grateful that they don't have the experience that leads to this understanding, but I wish I could just make them understand without them having to go through that pain. I love you, and I miss you forever.

Love, Mommy