Me Now

Dear Liam,

I'm so sorry I haven't written. Life has been dragging me around and keeping me pinned by my emotions. I left off on the challenge I was doing. Day 7 was where I am now. Truth is, I'm lost. I miss you so much, and I miss your sister too. It seems like everything reminds me of you. I know you watch over me and I know you've seen my struggles lately. I got pretty low for a while there, but I'm trying to pick myself back up. I hope you're taking care of your newest angel friend and letting him/her know just how much they are loved, not only by his/her mommy and daddy, but the rest of us too. I'll take care of your friend's mommy as best I can, make sure they know that. As broken as my heart already is, it still breaks for her. I wish I could just hold you one more time, just long enough to ease this pain, but we both know I'd never be able to let go again. I mean, I almost didn't let go the first time, even though you were already gone. I thought that if I held your body long enough, my love would bring you back. I guess all the love in the world isn't great enough to overcome God's ruling though. I know you've served a great purpose in our lives, mommy and daddy will help other's in your's and your sister's names! But for all the good we will do simply because we knew you, will never be good enough a reason for this pain. Only when I hold you in Heaven will such a high price make sense. I try to remember that God lost his son too, but while he knows my pain, he is much stronger than I am. I am as weak and broken as the day God took you home. I can smile now, but it's not truly of happiness. Only when I'm with you again, will I truly be happy. Until then I'll try to get as close as I can. It won't be for a while, but maybe one day I'll be able to write to you and tell you that I'm happy, even if it is clouded with pain.